Q: what’s the #1 thing holding you back in music?
A: my biggest roadblock to fully committing to music?
i asked myself constantly:
-if i make this song, will it be good?
—if i make an album, will it go anywhere?
-what kind of genre should i make to be successful?
-what do i need to write about to connect with people?
-what should my image be?
essentially it became:
who should i be in order to do music?
i had really low self esteem and couldn’t fathom that being myself would be the answer
i didnt trust myself, or my thoughts, my opinions or my creativity.
of course this lead to constant comparison. it was awful. collaborating is still hard for me because of this.
i was in a wicked creative funk after i released my album in 2015 and i got depressed, really depressed.
ever since then i’ve been rebuilding my views on music since then in a positive light. writing songs because i want to express what i think instead of because i “should” be writing, or to get good enough at it in order to “like myself”.
i thought if i got good enough at music and enough people liked it then maybe i could like myself too
music felt super uncertain for someone who didn’t trust themselves.
a side note:
i also always wanted music lessons but self rationalized it as i am an expense, so i felt like one and felt bad about getting them the short time i did.
i couldn’t bear the thought that i was “wasting my dads money” on my vocal/guitar lessons so i stopped.
this is enlightening.
have you experienced anything similar / what have your challenges been?