So on a blog post on www.mpquicktips.com (super cool quick music tips of all sorts) he posted 5 books that will change your life so I went and bought them all. The Artist’s way is a creative recovery/discovery 12 week course dedicated to crumbling your fears, negative beliefs about yourself and being creative and really taking care of yourself so far. Only on week 1. I would always waste time googling getting over writers block. Nothing really helped stop all the negative thoughts and fears I have about sitting down to write. It’s like I have my creative expression vehicle but then I block it by overthinking it and now it’s a mess. My album Dusk At Dawn was probably more than half written when I was 12/13. I’m 16 now and never feel like I write enough. I wrote a lot of it I say “before I even had feelings”. I thought “ew feelings water those” so I like committed to not writing about them. So when I started getting them I stunted my possibility of expressing them. I’m also looking at my public schooling and finding tons of negative beliefs instilled in me from there. It’s like I have this force to go write but then all these doubts and fears pop up and drag me away so I compulsively check my phone and distract myself from this overwhelming urge to create something and yeah. I want creative freedom. Although there’s no black and white reason preventing me, no labels, no millions of people expecting me not to change or anything, just my little ol selfie.
So regarding the book it’s having me “time travel and look at where the fear may have came from. It also has me wake up 30 minutes early every morning and write 3 pages in my journal of everything. Most of it is negative anxious thoughts but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m writing past my fear of it. This is a quote from “The War Of Art” book by Steven Pressfield by my bed. Also pretty rad-ical book.
Aside from the morning pages I have to take myself out on a weekly “artist date”. The author speaks of it being as like spending quality time with your partner in a bad relationship. Aka you tend to not to. Hence I can’t bring anybody or sit on my phone during the date. Just me and myself.
So this Friday I went to see the Martain by myself at the movies. It was fun to tell people I had a date on Friday night. I said it’s with “Mmmmmmmmmmm—–“. As if M was the start of a name. But it’s MYSELF! I don’t get the stigma over going to the movies by yourself. It’s treated like a sign of loneliness or something. But naw I really just want to see a movie. What’s the difference between that or Netflix? I even dressed up for myself and everything.
I also mailed myself a letter. The letter was to be spoken in the voice of your little 4 year old artistic self while you were tainted by being treated like a baby Doctor instead of a baby artist. It should come in the mail in this coming week. My date with myself this week is *gasp* dinner by myself. HOW YA LIKE THEM APPLES?
Also working with positive affirmations so when my mind tends to go to thinking about other people and what they want for me and all that hoopla I just repeat some positive affirmations and do my fitness blender workouts. Also trying to treat myself better. Aka getting enough sleep and working out. Pretty gnarly stuff. Also trying to monitor my cell phone and internet usage of Internet boredom. Nothing beats being so bored that you start writing or drawing. Internet takes that away from me. Week 2 starts Thursday. This blogging thing is a good way to keep track of my progress. I also made a binder for my “course papers”. Most important class of my life.
Creativity is play. Let yourself play. Go watch some cartoons and make up stories for everybody that walks by.